Tips From the Tarot for Handling the Holidays

 Posted by
Nov 262018
 

Before the Thanksgiving dinner had even cooled off, retailers everywhere were on to the next thing: Christmas. The Black Friday emails came in waves. There were advertisements in my mail box and leaping off TV and computer screens. It made it difficult to catch my breath.

I appreciate that retailers need to make money to stay in business and this time of year is big for most of them. I also appreciate my peace of mind and moving at my own pace. If you too find this holiday frenzy a bit much then keep reading. The tarot and I have some tips for you.

 

10 of Wands ~ Work smart not hard

It’s much less stressful to make one trip and get five things than to make five trips for those same things. A little planning and strategizing goes a long way. Before you spend a penny make a list of who you are buying for and what you are buying for them. I then break this down by which stores will likely have which things and make one trip to each store getting all those things. My favorite is when I can do all this online from the comfort of my own home. When you know exactly what you want or near to it, online shopping can be a huge time and aggravation saver. With the big things out of the way first, wandering a store or two looking for the little touches and stocking-stuffers can actually be enjoyable.

 

3 of Pentacles ~ Teamwork and delegating

Working smarter can and should include some teamwork and delegating. Do you have a good friend you could go shopping with? Not only will you have the opportunity to catch up with them, and enjoy each other’s company, you can help each other make gift decisions on the spot. This works with a sibling, an older child, even your spouse if they are into shopping.

There is more to this season than buying gifts. Depending on your traditions there are specialty foods, decorations, and social gatherings. Two of my daughters love to decorate my house for Christmas, so I let them. Are you hosting a holiday gathering? Let the guests contribute to the feast. Are you someone else’s guest? Ask what you can do for her. My husband and I wrap the gifts together. He does some of the cards and I do others. When my kids were little my friends and I would take turns watching the kids while the other one ran errands or did holiday prep. Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed.

 

3 of Cups ~ Make time to celebrate with your friends

Speaking of friends, plan a date with yours. Instead of buying each other gifts go out as a group to a nice dinner. If that’s not your style, or not in your budget, plan a potluck party instead. Pick a theme, pick a date, and have a nice evening with your friends. Experiences are often much better than things and a relaxed evening of good company and good food is a wonderful experience.

 

5 of Pentacles ~ Remember those less fortunate than you

No matter how tight your budget there is always someone living tighter than you are. If you can give money there are many excellent charities doing good work that can use your financial support. The local churches in our town have giving trees and you can find a specific person to give to. Giving of your time is another way to help out. The local food pantry will always be happy to have help. Give them a call and ask them when they will need it. Perhaps your church or town is running a free holiday dinner. You can volunteer to help with that.

If time is also at a premium for you and your family, you can go through your belongings and see what you have that you can donate. Clothing that you haven’t worn in a year or two, but it’s still perfectly good, can find new life with someone else. It’s also a good time to go through books, toys, DVDs, whatever else you can think of. Take one afternoon and go through your house, fill up a kitchen bag with good stuff you don’t need and donate it.

 

10 of Cups ~ Celebrate

This is a time for celebration. It’s a time for joy. It’s time for enjoying your life and those people near and dear to you. If you find yourself getting stressed or anxious remember the reason you are doing all this. Think about the good things that have gone on since this time last year. Find gratitude for the people who share your life and your home and express it that appreciation with love.

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Acceptance

 Posted by
Nov 192018
 

 

The most important part of any lasting relationship is acceptance. Friendship, family, coworker, and most of all spousal relationships benefit from acceptance. People are flawed. They can be irritating, self-centered, and just downright annoying. You cannot love someone for who they are and attempt to change who they are at the same time. Accept them as they are; especially if you love them.

Now, understand that acceptance, and approval, are not the same thing. They have been conflated in our culture by people who have been careless with their words. Acceptance is seeing someone for who they are and acknowledging the truth about them. Approval is celebrating what you find in another. It is actively, liking something that the other person is, or says, or does. Acceptance has nothing to do with liking what’s going on. Acceptance is closer to non-resistance than it is to approval.

Acceptance is difficult when the other person is very different from you or holds different values from yours. Under those circumstances approval is nearly impossible. In any meaningful relationship this will come up time and again. It is important to remember that while the other person is yours in a relational way, (your child; your parent; your spouse) they are not your property. They are adults who belong to themselves and the choices they make about their lives are also theirs, not yours. By accepting the adults in your life as they are, you are respecting their autonomy.

This Thanksgiving Day, when you find yourself seated between the one relative who voted for Hillary and thinks Obama was the greatest president ever, and the other relative who is wearing a MAGA hat, remember the good things about these people you love and accept the whackiness that makes them the individuals that they are.

Disappointment

 Posted by
Nov 122018
 

In the last week or so I have pulled the four of cups and the five of cups for quite a few clients I’ve read for. When a card shows up a lot I pay attention to it. Sometimes it’s something I need to look into for myself and other times it’s a heads up about the energy around at the time. I did the introspective thing on this and I’m not particularly disappointed or dissatisfied with my world right now. I took a step back, got a wider view and I can see this energy simmering away in several areas. That’s not a good thing.

Disappointment happens when your expectations and reality don’t agree. When that thing you wanted so much, that you believed it was real, turns out not to be so real after all. How invested you are in your version of things effects how deeply disappointed you will be when the world tells you can’t have that version.

Adjusting to reality is a process and for some people it takes only a few moments. They understand that this is the way it goes and they move on to the next thing. Other people resist for a while as they work through it. The idea that things are not as they want them to be is too much for small bunch of people so they ignore reality to varying degrees. A few resist forever.

 

(Helena Bonham Carter as Miss Havisham)

Accepting that you aren’t going to get your way is part of the human experience. It happens to us all. Understanding that you aren’t alone is helpful in processing this and processing this is important. One of the many obstacles we put in our own way is our refusal to move past disappointments.

 

We so very much want things to go our way that some of us get angry at reality and try to force the outcome we want. Some even do this repeatedly aiming for the same outcome. Each time we are thwarted we find a new way to manipulate things to get our way. And each time we do this we make facing that disappointment harder for ourselves.

People who take it this far feel entitled to have things turn out the way they want. Out of frustration they come to readers like me expecting an easy answer or a quick solution to their quandary. They really don’t see their own part in this until those cups cards show up and we start talking about what they are focusing on and what they are missing.

These readings go one of two ways. Either the client gets mad at me or they catch on right there. The angry clients don’t come see me for months or they never come back at all. The ones who are ready to do the work, to get out of their own way, hear what the cards and I have to say. Sometimes there are tears. Most of the time we can get to a level of acceptance and the client feels lighter and more in control of her life. Those breakthroughs happened quite a few times this week and it made me love this work all over again.

Gratitude ~ The Healthiest Emotion

 Posted by
Nov 052018
 

 

This is the month of Thanksgiving. If you go into most retail shops you would think it’s Christmastime. It’s not. It’s time to be grateful.

Brother David Steindl-Rast, who has a TED Talk titled Want to be happy? Be Grateful said “The root of joy is gratefulness…It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”

Gratitude is expansive. It makes what you have enough. Your life, your home, your job, your relationships, all become more when you appreciate the gifts that they are. As the opposite of scarcity thinking it puts you in a mindset of abundance and shapes your awareness of how good things actually are. It’s an appreciation for the things in your life and your life itself. Zig Ziglar called gratitude the healthiest emotion and he went on to say the more grateful you are the more you will have to be grateful about. He’s right because your brain loves to have its biases confirmed. If you focus on things to be grateful for it will find more for you.

At its simplest gratitude is a decision. It is an active choice to see what there is to be grateful for. This requires a shift in focus. Sometimes that can be a challenge but the practice of living in a state of gratitude is so transformative it is worth the effort. There have been many psychological and scientific studies done on the effects of gratitude on your quality of life and the benefits it bestows. The active practice of being in gratitude releases dopamine, a feel good brain chemical. So, not only does this practice make you happier it helps you sleep better, and alleviates depression.

Spend this month being grateful and see what happens.

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