Coneflower Soul

I frequently find myself empathizing with those who come to me for a reading. They are dealing with a confusing situation or making a painful decision and they don’t want to do it alone. These people want help and I want to help them. Frequently we work together with the cards and they leave with a plan, a better handle on their situation, or at least an understanding of what is going on. What happens occasionally is that they want more than support and help. They want things that tarot and I can’t give them.

The tarot won’t make your decisions for you. It will answer the questions you ask and even if that question is “What is the best decision for me?” the actual decision making will still be yours. As I said in my last post, a tarot reading is information. What you do with that information is up to you. You are free to reject the advice you receive from the cards and make a completely different decision.

The tarot won’t make excuses for your behavior. This one doesn’t come up often but it’s happened enough that I feel the need to mention it. We each see the world through our own perspective and we understand our motives for the things we do, or at least what we tell ourselves our motives are. The tarot is more objective and more literal than that. It will point out where you are kidding yourself. When your actions have consequences you didn’t intend, or more likely, you didn’t think about what the possible consequences could be, tarot will not let you off the hook. The tarot is neutral. It’s not interested in punishing you but it’s not here to give you absolution either. That’s what clergy is for. Better yet, seek out the person who suffered because of your actions, apologize, and if possible, make amends.

The tarot won’t give you permission. We spend so much of our lives having to appeal to an authority for permission to do things, that we get into the habit of thinking we need permission for everything. At some point you need to own your life and realize that you are the authority in your life. If you want to do something, and are willing to own the consequences of doing that thing, then go do it. You’re an adult. That’s what responsible adults do. I know it’s a hard habit to break especially if a lot of your life is structured so someone has authority over you, like a boss for instance. Your personal life is yours. You may have a life partner with whom you compromise about things, but in the end, you are responsible for your life and what becomes of it. Not anyone else. So there is no one whose permission you need, to be and do what you believe is right for you to be and do, except you.

So, yes, come get a reading. Gather information to help you make decisions about your life. Find an understanding of the situation you may not have considered. Have the courage to face the results of your actions and behaviors. Leave empowered to do what is most helpful for you.

Mr. Wonderful is leaving on a business trip. He hates traveling. He doesn’t mind being somewhere else. It’s the getting from here to there and back again that causes his distress. I feel for him. I walked into our room to find him sorting through his itinerary, organizing things for his trip while listening to the sappiest music playing on his tablet. He was singing along to it too. When he realized I was watching him he said “It cheers me up.” Well, then, Mr. Wonderful, carry on!

This is a thing we all do to some degree to help navigate life and smooth the rough edges. We change our atmosphere to help change our mood. Often it’s done reactively to calm ourselves down and it’s effective. I like to use it deliberately and I coach my clients to make use of this tool to manage not only their mood but their presence in the world.

Remember when you were a kid and you played ‘dress up’? You would put on a cape, or a crown, or both and suddenly you were a superhero or a princess. You felt like you could fly. You felt regal and important. How do you feel when you get dressed for work in the morning? Do you don an outfit that makes you feel powerful or one that makes you feel like you disappear? It matters. When you come home from work do you change out of your work clothes? What clothes do you change in to? How do they make you feel? The most important question: Is this working for you?

There are many things in our lives that are outside our control. But there are also many things we can control that we have chosen not to. We fall into routines that we no longer think about and mindlessly behave in ways that may not be helping us. It’s good for us to periodically take a step back and reevaluate the things we do, especially the things we do every day. The habits and routines we have reinforce themselves and the mindset that goes with them. Things that are repeated daily become frameworks and our life is lived inside them and shaped by them.

When you dress in a hurry, in the same outfit you’ve worn a hundred times, that you bought because it fit the dress code, not because you liked it, you don’t feel good in it. You may not feel anything in it, but you certainly don’t feel confident and powerful. What would your work day be like if you did feel confident and powerful? How might your career progress if you showed up in your power every day? What would you wear to feel that personal power?

This isn’t just about clothes. It extends out into your environment too. I have a friend whose day job is nothing exciting but it finances the life she is building for herself. She plays a particular mix of music on the way to work and a different mix on the way home. The first thing she does, when she comes home from work, is to change into the clothes that resonate with the new life she is building. The work clothes get put away. Incense gets lit. Her jewelry changes, her shoes change, and her hairdo is different. It’s about shifting from one persona to another. It’s about changing the energy she is living in to support the vision she is creating. Her work clothes are beautiful but they are part of a costume for that performance. Her costume, when she isn’t at work, is about who she is then. It delineates her work life from her home life. The physical changes enhance and enable the mental shift and her time away from work feels more like her own when she does these things.

How do you want to feel when you go about your day? What is the soundtrack for that feeling? What scent puts you in the state? What clothing invokes that feeling? Too many changes at once? Try changing one thing tomorrow and see how it feels? Then change another, and another, and let me know how it goes.

About ten days ago I pulled The Tower for my card of the day. I posted it on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter then I got on with my day. That day was whacky and I shared some of the mayhem online. Since then I’ve had several conversations with friends and clients, regarding the Tower and what it means. I think this is worth sharing here.

That morning was full of small annoyances that I didn’t put together right away. I started the day by sleeping through my alarm. I can’t remember the last time I did that. I misplaced my car keys and was five minutes late for what I thought was a ten o’clock appointment. At ten-fifteen I texted the woman I was meeting with to say I hope she was okay and that we could reschedule. She called to let me know it was really an eleven o’clock appointment. I checked my phone calendar and sure enough it was for eleven.

It wasn’t worth going back home so I drove down the block and parked in front of the bagel place. While I was inside getting a quick breakfast sandwich I got a parking ticket. After my appointment I thought I’d just pay the ticket and get it over with but the court closed at noon for lunch. I went on with my plans hoping things would be less pesky from then on.

While loading groceries into my car I got an awful cardboard cut on my thumb. For the first time in memory I had no bandages in my purse. There were none in the car. I wrapped my bleeding thumb in some napkins and drove home. I opened the car door in my driveway and I learned the hard way that half a dozen hairs on my head had gotten caught in the window when I closed it. I bandaged up my thumb, and got the groceries into the house uneventfully. This was followed by my lunch exploding all over the inside of the microwave and burning my tongue on a cup of tea. That’s when I called it a day, changed into my house clothes and stayed home.

The Tower is an alert. It is also a message to pay attention. It’s a call to keep an eye out and be mindful because surprises happen. In a reading, depending on the question asked, The Tower can be a wakeup call. It shows up to jar you and make you focus. The image is startling and the thought of the experience it depicts helps you hone in on what is actually important to you. It shakes you up and gets you thinking about the world outside your comfort zone; outside your head.

Occasionally I will have a client freak a little when The Tower makes an appearance. Sometimes they are responding to the image and sometimes they know just enough about Tarot that they spook themselves. I’m always amazed at the human capacity to assume the worst.

That lightning strike that breaks the tower could be that bolt from the blue that brings clarity. It could be a catalyst event that brings sudden understanding. It is a moment of enlightenment. This is not sunshine and roses but it’s not Armageddon either. ‘A-ha’ moments are game changers. A sudden deeper understanding of yourself or the world around you changes your life forever. You can never go back to not knowing what you know and, with that, the old ways are destroyed.

Certain structures in your life are in your way. They could be habits, relationships, routines, even thinking patterns that are unhelpful but comfortable and familiar to you. Their destruction would be an upheaval but it would also be the best thing that ever happened to you. It won’t feel that way when it’s going on but looking back on the experience you will be grateful for it. The Tower can mean that too.

Yes, the Tower can be bad news. It’s giving you a heads up that something unpleasant is headed your way. This could be a humbling experience. A blow to your ego can feel like an exploding tower. What the Tower refers to has everything to do with the context of your reading and the questions you asked. It is also influenced by the other cards pulled for that question. Maybe it means your job is in jeopardy or maybe that you’re being transferred. It might mean the boss you love is leaving or you will have that fight with your annoying co-worker.

As my card of the day the Tower was the energy of that day. It was a series of irritating things that tested my balance and resilience. It had no other context and answered no focused questions for me. In isolation it is the energy of release, of falling structures, of chaos and confusion, it’s the revelation of a hidden truth, it’s disruption of order and it’s unpredictable. As you can see from my day in that energy, it can just be really annoying.

Spring is here in the Hudson Valley and little plants are poking up through the soil. The grass in my yard is slowly greening. There is a fresh-start feeling to springtime and an urge to start something new. I’ve been feeling it myself so I pulled a few cards for insight.

The Hermit ~ How do you know where to begin without some study and introspection? What needs to be refreshed or renewed in your life? What new endeavor should you pursue? The Hermit says to get quiet with yourself and get clear about who you are and who you want to be. Then you can decide what is best for you to do next. Take some time and ask yourself where you want to be, and who you want to be in six months; in a year. Compare that to where and who you are now. What steps, in which direction, do you need to take, to get from here to there?

Nine of Cups ~ There is so much good in your life right now. Take a moment to appreciate all that is working for and pleasing to you. So much of your life is good. We tend to forget about the parts or our lives that aren’t causing us trouble because they generally don’t require a lot of attention. Take a good look at your current situation and list all the things you can be grateful for. As we move through changes to improve our lives it’s important to express gratitude for the life we already have. When you know what is good and functional in your life, you can build on that and better see what is not working and how to improve it.

The Tower ~ Change can be messy. Big changes can bring big messes. This can be discouraging, but understand, it is all part of the growth process. Sometimes, to create something new, you have to destroy something old. To have what you’ve never had, you have to do what you’ve never done. This can mean breaking old habits and that’s uncomfortable. A big goal requires a big change and change can be destructive as well as disruptive. The Tower is here to remind you that that is how it goes sometimes and it’s not a sign that things are going wrong. It’s a sign that change is happening.

Page of Wands ~ Be brave. Change is scary. New beginnings are scary. Doing something you’ve never done before is unsettling. You’ve got this. Having the courage to change or to try something new is just the beginning. If you want it you will have to find that place in you that won’t take ‘No’ for an answer, and go get it. Be creative in your approach and in how you manage setbacks. Just because one avenue closed doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways to approach your challenge. Remember this is your adventure.

What do you say when you talk to yourself? Do you know? Or is there constant commentary running in your head that has been there so long you don’t even consciously notice it? Spring is a good time to start cleaning this up too.

Our self-talk is a combination of many factors. It might sound like a parent, even use his/her phrases, but it is not just a result of their input. The culture you were raised in, the friends you had and have, and the values you soak in your whole life. You filter this through your unique brain and it informs the things you place importance on and the things you judge and praise about yourself, out loud and in your own head.

We have all said things out loud that we wish we hadn’t but it’s the ‘in your own head’ conversation that can cause the most trouble. Everything you do in your life originates with a thought. Every action you take and decision you make is a thought first. If those thoughts are negative or defeatist you stop yourself before you even begin. So what can you do about this?

You need awareness of what you’re currently thinking about yourself so you can catch and stop the self-talk if it’s unhelpful, or deliberately focus on those things you think that are helping you. For positive results in your real world you want to cultivate the helpful thoughts and eliminate the others. You already know when, during your average day, your thoughts unspool while you’re busy doing something else. During a shower, commuting to work, or any other activity you do frequently that doesn’t require your undivided attention. It’s during these times that you can allow it to wander but pay attention to what you are thinking. If you catch yourself suddenly feeling sad, angry, jealous, stop and scroll back through the thoughts you had before the feeling hit. Once you are aware of what you’re saying you will catch it more readily and be able to stop yourself in your tracks.

Then you will need a helpful replacement for the unhelpful thoughts. Whatever is working against you has to go. Spin what you’ve been saying so it’s more helpful. Take a negative and reframe it, changing the context of the thought or the focus of it to a more positive one. You can tell the difference in how the thoughts feel and that can guide you. Keep the self-talk in the first person as in ‘I am…’ or ‘I feel…’ If you still aren’t sure whether you’re on the right track, say it out loud. Would you say this phrase to a person you love? Would they feel better after hearing it? Do you?